Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Me-Me... Chi Kuan's U Talkin' Bout Me? 4/7/02 ~ 19/9/06

I got the news the other day that Me-Me, the Sharpei I mentioned awhile back who had amyloidosis and whose sire Sami (Epic's Am I Blue) also had the same and had recently passed from it, had managed to injure herself on some chain mesh. Her owner was hoping and praying that there wasn't disc damage in the spinal cord and deeply afraid. About this time the renal failure took a turn for the worse. I asked Nancy, her owner, if they'd considered a canine sports injury specialist, canine acupuncturist or chiro. Maybe if they could get the pain under control they could at least accurately evaluate her chances. Nancy wrote back telling me the look in MeMe's eyes was just breaking her heart... how much could she ask her to go through? She was hurting and even with medications she was crying out. To fix the damage, it would be a large surgery and much pain for a reason MeMe wouldn't understand. And her renal failure was getting worse. Who knows what it'd do with surgery... nothing good certainly.

I had hoped. I'd hoped we were wrong about the damage. Hoped she'd rally. Hoped the pain meds would work and allow her to eat and drink again. Nancy tried syringe feeding her. She was on muscle relaxers to help. Her shoulder was paralyzed. I wanted to say yes, keep fighting. I wanted her to get better. I wasn't ready to hear this. But I know, I KNOW realistically I don't have the magic wand that can fix her failing body.
I thought back to Me-Me's birth. She was a little thing but a scrapper straight from the start. She was a girl who knew what she wanted and went straight after it, determined, intelligent, persistant... you really had to admire that about her even when you were busy prying her off the x-pen she was trying to climb for the umpteenth time. She was a sweetie too, her habit of kissing everything in tongue range earned her the puppy name of "Kisses". (Often the buyer changes renames them but you either give them a puppy name them or call them Puppy 1, 2, 3 etc.) Me-Me wasn't the second smallest in the litter but she still never was pushed from the teat and would squirm determinedly through the wriggling mass to nurse. By the time they were clambering out of the whelping box, they'd be practically climbing the x-pen and eachother to get to you when you came by them. When they were older still and were outside, you had to watch like a hawk, else you'd have the whole mob tumbling after you, under the gate and pell-mell out into the big dogs area. Yes, Me-Me had always known what she wanted and if she wanted to keep fighting she'd let Nancy know... but if she was tired, if her body hurt too much to keep fighting and she was ready to rest, I knew she'd let Nancy know as well. So in the end, that's all I could really say to Nancy, to listen to Me-Me to know when the time was right and let her know she was loved and while she would be missed, if she had to go she'd understand. I wanted to say so much more.

I went to bed with a feeling in my heart like a lead weight. I had one of those gut feelings that I'd get up in the morning to find Nancy'd have had to send Me-Me on to the Rainbow Bridge. I avoided the computer in the morning, finally logging on and downloading my messages. I scanned them quickly and found the message I'd been dreading. Me-Me was gone. Nancy said she'd leaned over her to tell her that I loved her too
and that we'd always loved her and she'd always be with us, which I'll be forever thankful to Nancy for because I couldn't be there to say it in person.

It's such a waste and such a damn shame... not even four years old. It's too young! I did the breeding on Ella and Sami, I was there when she was whelped and welcomed her into the world late in the evening, touching her damp fur, clearing her nose, helping her mum clean her and marveling as I always did at the birth of a litter at the sense of promise and potential there was in these tiny little scraps of life. It's a bitter draught to see that which you welcomed into the world and held as it drew it's first breath go out of this world.

Tonight will I light a candle for her, something I didn't think I'd have to do quite so soon for Me-Me. I will light it in memory of the sweet little puppy I called Kisses who held all the promise in the world as she explored puppy clumsy and adorable in her innocence and for the beautiful girl called Me-Me that she turned into under Nancy's care and for the grand old lady she would have been if she'd lived longer. There is another twinkle in Sirius tonight, watch closely for it and smile remembering this little lady with me.
Just born...
Three weeks
With Phish, being told a secret
At Nancy's home
A lovely young lady

I also have a more recent photo I will post once I've done the resizing. The retrieve is going nicely, I meant to comment on it last time. We're to the point of her picking it up off the floor for short hops.

1 comment:

Sif said...

Oh, that's so sad, and so hard for you to be away when this happened too. (((((HUGS)))))