Fathers Day

Obligatory cute photo warning:

Nic with Bunny LaLa and Lilypillie

We decided to go to Healesville for the day, despite the temperamental weather and visit the Beechworth Bakery. Very, very yummy stuff there! Lilypillie got her first bit of bee sting which she was much impressed with!

La of course was chuffed not to just get a doughnut but a CHOC glazed doughnut and one with GREEN SPRINKLES... totally rocking!

On our walk back to the car we got utterly drenched when the heavens let loose and we were all caught out having parked far away and wandered up to the bakery. The upside? Well, it takes rain to make a rainbow!

I finally fixed it!

Yep - no one will ever accuse me of being overly technically capable, that is the truth! I'm not a total Luddite, I'm just not very well informed and vaguely intimidated. At any rate, it's fixed and viewable again.

This beautiful rainbow at sunset was taken on the last day of January. In a lot of ways it feels like the promise of the new year is finally starting for me and I'm looking forward to the next little while. Not least because La will be starting kinder and my training will be starting back up!

One of the funnest bits of January was my very first major road trip with both kids solo. We wandered up through Blackspur, Healesville, Narebethong, Alexandra, Yarck, Merton, Euroa, Benalla etc. stopping and playing tourist along the way at some of our favorite places. We were transporting a rescued dog up there as well to her new mum and dad. Almost a year on, the progression of the regeneration I see every time I drive up that way struck me with a lot of hope. Despite it all, life is an impossible force to deny.
We went up to Albury-Wodonga, stayed in Tabletop NSW and then later on out near Sandy Creek/Kiewa our nearish Yakendandah to play with Jodie and all her poultry and dogs. I am in total love with the area - it is just beautiful! We came home with some really cute guinea fowl keets as well!

We also have five new foster kittens keeping us busy. Meet Mew (little black) and Milla (black/white), Zap (bigger black) and Sonic (tabby). These lucky little ones as they were destined to be put down originally as their mum was a feral that was killed I believe.

And this is Whisp, he was found on the side of a busy road by a good samaritan. He was so covered in flea dirt and crawling with fleas that it took my friend who took him in from his rescuer four shampoos to reveal he was white under the black-red crust. He is deaf as well but sweet as sugar and quite a special lad.

January was a bit of a chaotic month for us though, as life always is it seems. Laurent has proved to be at the center of some of the most humorous bits too.

While I was changing Lily, my darling tornado child chirped at me words that will make any mums heart stop: "Look mum! I did shaving like daddy!" Yep - you guessed it, the little ferret had opened the door to the laundry, the study and the bathroom before scaling the counters and ceiling high cupboards (what you thought we're dumb enough to leave it in easy reach?) to fetch daddy's shaver and gouge several whacks of hair out the front and side of his head. The result: at four years old, just starting kinder, my child has his very first comb over!

A few other La gems:

At one point I woke up from a way-too-real nightmare we'd been in a bushfire and I'd been separated for the kids. It took me several moments and holding them to calm myself into realizing it was just a dream after waking up. I had a totally mushy-momma-moment snuggling up to sleeping bebe and La, thinking how lucky I am just to have them. La curls into me, accepts a butterfly kiss, leans up to my ear and in the sweetest voice whispers, "Mum?" "Yeah La...?" (I melted, how did I get so lucky to have such a beautiful boy...) "Mum, my butt itches." Ah, four year olds, gods love 'em!

La: Can I have a sip of your water mum?
Me: Just a sip or should I get you your own glass?
La: No mum just a sip! *gulps the whole thing*
Me: LA! I said just a little sip!
La: But mum, I DID have a little sip! It was just a BIG little sip!

While I'm dressing Lily the other day, La reached for the cat food we're given for our fosters which he'd just been told to leave be. "La, I KNOW you're not feeding them after I JUST said no!" He looks at me, caught red handed. "Um... no?" Trying to figure an acceptable 'out', he quickly gulped the food himself and grins at my grimace of disgust. My instant reaction has GOT to be indication of my animal lover status though, as rather than being totally grossed out by the fact he just swallowed cat food I heard myself say - "Gross! That's Science Diet! Couldn't you at least go for the Eagle Pack?!" Then I notice Lily gnawing on freeze dried liver she's swiped from my training pouch during this exchange. What can I say? These kids will either grow up remarkably well balanced or they're going to need 30 years therapy for species confusion.
Lily(shown here with her slightly overgrown, kinda slobbery, very sweet teddy bear) is growing like a weed... she is getting so big now, bubbly and happy, she is officially on the move and scoots herself all over the house. She has two sharp teeth, a plethora of baby babble, mastery of the fine art of clapping and blowing raspberries, a keen grasp of the game of "drop-it-and-watch-everyone-fetch-it-10,000x-in-a-row' and is just gorgeous. Ten months old, where did my little newborn go? And proving she's my child, she has learned to immediate the clicker and takes great delight in making an attempt at a whistle sound near the dogs and then clicking before giggling at the tongue-bath she receives.

Shadow is adjusting pretty well, he's staked out his favorite vantage points and is good about keeping an eye on things from there. He is very protective of our home and we often hear him barking at the foxes at night. He's proven a tad too protective against people (sorry Florence!) so we're going to have to work with him on that a bit. He's still not able to be loose with the birds and sheep as he wants to play with them, which they don't quite appreciate despite his good intentions. We're hoping continued exposure helps him settle so we can let him in the paddocks eventually. Even though I usually pen the birds at night up near the house, the old adage that "management alone always fails" has proven true as we recently lost Old Mother Goose, my Chinese pair and Matilda to foxes after one of our neighbors buzzed by with a four wheeler freaking them out when they were in the far paddock to the point they hid instead of coming in overnight. I'm heartbroken over all of them but especially sweet Matilda who was my baby.

Cinnamon had his vet visit the other day for his well-bunny check up, the first vaccination and a discussion of neutering him. As it turns out, SHE is absolutely the picture of health and will be seeking a spay rather than a neuter! Oh dear... how embarrassing! LOL Once that is done and hormones have settled, we will look at having her go on a bunny play-date to pick out a friend at the shelter as the vets at the Melbourne Rabbit Clinic have advised they really do need a friend of their own species no matter how much attention you give them. Hopefully her new friend will enjoy clicker training as much as Cinna does as well - she's really quite clever!

Sneak peek...

Here are a few of the pictures from the other day. The photographer does a "sneak peek" on her blog, before the private proof gallery is up. She did such a nice job, I can't wait to see the rest... :-D In the photo with Hope, if anyone is wondering why she looks a bit put out despite getting a "treat", he was handing her pumpkin seeds - which Hope gently accepted every time one was offered before very politely before spitting out!

http://pebblesphotography.com.au/blog/2009/05/a-boy-and-his-new-baby-sister/

Apologies for worrying a few people... suffice to say I have not been dealing with Cami's loss very well at all and have been in quite a mood. It wasn't improved by a minor (but yech) infection, another flu which of course Laurent caught as well and then Nic, obnoxious amounts of contractions that amp up for 3-4 hours before going no-where and not sleeping more than an hour or two a night for the past few weeks courtesy of all of the above while attempting to keep pace and being majorly unimpressed with myself for not keeping up with training.

By this week things have leveled out and I had Sif, Jayne and Jen over along with their little people and an impromptu blessing way which was cheering. For those not familiar it's sort of like a baby shower but more to celebrate transition from one stage to another and represent support from the women around you. Also a bit different is that gifts are more symbolic than material which is nice given we've still got everything from Laurent's babyhood - ie everyone has a candle lit at the blessing way to take home to light once labor begins, everyone gets a bracelet to wear until the baby arrives safely or everyone brings a bead to contribute for a necklace to wear in labor representing their well wishes. So now I have a lovely lotus henna design on my bump, a red bracelet (left hand) and a jade lotus bracelet (right hand) which you can see here...

as well as the beads that will be a necklace once I find my crimp beads.

La was also very impressed with the whole event as A.) people were visiting, B.) there was a lovely banana cake and C.) Sienna was one of those people. I may be forgiven for this baby being human instead of canine yet given it heralded three things high on his awesome list in one day.

Other than that the pregnancy has continued to be boringly normal. Last MW's visit was Thurs. BP 120/80, bubs is happy, position is good, everything is ready to go. La having got the procedures down pat fished out the equipment and A had a "helpful helper" who 'took my blood pressure', used the Doppler to find bubs heartbeat and the placenta sounds after bossing her to 'put the cream on it' to make it work and turn the volume up.

In the meantime, time in the evenings that's too uncomfortable to do much is being invested in sketching and attempting to better my knitting. I'm still far from 'good' - just simple stuff which is dressed up a bit with embellishments but it's nice and rhythmic and doesn't require too much thought.

Last but not least... the last few days of La being an only child...

Out-takes

This pregnancy is going beautifully... I've been enjoying this stage I think the most of any so far. I'm a bit more tired with the odd wishful thought of La still having a daytime nap so I could catch a rest as well but I love the constant reminders that comes with the dozens of twirls, stretches and taps I can feel throughout the day. Doesn't matter what I'm doing, it's just nice to be reminded so many times a day that sometimes life is bountiful and beautiful - even if it's also crazy and there are a million and one things that need doing, planning, working on and remembering... lol... one does not preclude or even happen despite the other!

I keep telling myself I want to get more photographs of this stage that show everyday life... it usually seems it's just me snapping photos of Laurent like the ones above and below... when he holds still!



Not that it's not nice to have some like this in it's own right but I've sort of been looking through a lot of my photos and found a lack of 'snippets of life' pictures... not just snapshots per se but nice photos that show the little moments that aren't particularly unique or stand-out but still are so important because they are the majority of what makes up our lives and are so much a part of who we are and who we become.

Nic's holiday leave is over as of this morning and I need at least a few more weeks... LOL I had *heaps* planned for this time and only got about half of it actually finished. Among other stuff:

• Fencing for the ducklings and such done, but I need to repair the sheeps small-yard. I think it also needs an extra tension wire along the top. Here's the ducklings enjoying their own baby-space, two age groups. :-)
• A bunch of large pavers and posts buried at all the new gates (8) so the dogs can't scoot under but sloping enough I can get the mower over
• Did not get the new beds I wanted to get plowed done.
  
• I made a good dent in the weeds, blackberries and assorted pruning and chipped a couple dozen loads of sticks into mulch which is now covering a fair bit of the garden beds. Planted cuttings. Still have a heap of large branches/logs to chop.
  
• 2nd coat of oil on decks but I still need to prime and paint the skirting of the house.
• Nic disassembled the small aviary to the day pen and put it on a fox-proof base so his chookie has a place separate from the big chooks
  
• The retaining wall rocks were sorted into base, large, medium, small and corner pieces and in the front has most of the base excavated and first row placed but will take another few days on the weekend to finish.
  
• The large chook shed is completely undone... I think I'm most frustrated with that
  

And these are a few of the out-takes... from when we were putting in the base-layer of the retaining wall for the dirt I'm sitting on.

Sook-a-boo... Sierra leaning in for a cuddle, looking rather blissed/drugged out might I add... (check the so-relaxed-they're-rolling-back eyes)

*HONK* While La was trying to show me how he was digging and helping (those are his arms and feet on the right) Nic caught Cami being a cheeky-baby. Poor Sierra!

And the two-fer-one special on kissie girls... Veri (blue) and Sierra (red)

"THREE! TWO! ONE! LAUNCH!!!"

I'm playing catch-up with my pictures... Verity's birthday just passed and I've got to get her shots up - as well as a bunch of La and a bunch of other stuff. I've been very slack when it comes to jotting down the important stuff I want to have a record of - like for example, La's finally weaning from his beloved bibi a few months back. Remarkably easy really... not at all like I thought it would be and he's never looked back from it. Something to be said for the child-led/waiting for indications of them being ready theory of things. Two years and seven months was a nice little milestone for us.

All the funny little day-to-day stuff with the dogs and La, I keep meaning to sit and write but it seems we're just too busy living to really sit and compose my thoughts properly most days. Which is good because it means things are getting done but a bit sad because it's getting lost in the tumble of hours, days and weeks until many precious moments just melt into the general fabric of life.

Another "little" thing I should have mentioned ages ago - my visa finally (FINALLY!!!) came through. I am officially now a permanent resident and wow does that feel good to not have that shadow of worry (however unlikely it was) hanging over us!!!!

The one month anniversary of Cade's passing has already been and gone, simply doesn't seem possible really. I was set to write a long, rather rambly, emotional post of all the emotions on the anniversary and when I sat to type, it just flew from my fingers how to put thoughts into words that'd make sense.

On a happier note, the other minor, little, teensy, weensy detail I might have neglected to mention... a second rather long awaited little bubba should be arriving sometime in late March or early April. Very, very, very, very over the moon with this! ^_^

Pics snapped while waiting for the car mechanic to finish servicing the car - joys of living in a teeny-tiny town, you can walk the 2k from the mechanics house to the town to putter around for a few hours and instead spend the majority of the time just chatting to people on the way! LOL

Halloween which has always been one of my favorite days to celebrate is so different here. Most of the time I don't miss the US... the country life yes but not the place itself. However there are a few times when the differences are highlighted and I'll miss a particular aspect of it. It should be Samhain and the harvest being celebrated, except that the seasons are flipped here which is disconcerting to my senses which insist that October is autumn!

Rather I think back to trips in the crisp autumn air to the apple orchards to pick more apples than you could eat in a week. The clomp of horses running along an forested path with the scent of warm old leather, sweet feed and the broken grasses upon them. Wandering for hours in a field with frost upon the ground to pick the perfect pumpkins, the crackling-scent of colouring leaves as they fall underfoot. Mulled cider on the stove spreading the scent of apples and spice throughout the house as the ground smells rich and damp and about-to-rest while autumn gives way to the silence and stillness of winter. I find it disconcerting to my sense of time that when it feels I should be celebrating the end of autumn and the approach of rest and reminiscence, instead it's time to celebrate the approach of summer, the return of fertility to the grounds, the rebirth of life after the period of rest in winter. Today the scent of jasmine is heady on the air from my neighbors vine. My dogs lay next to me on the deck in the warm summer sun and I see that the tomatos and basil we've just planted are starting to grow and the garlic is dying back almost ready to harvest.

I didn't get much time to meditate on the day as I normally would or bake really... I'm not certain I would know what to do anyway in this place. But it was busy today as you might guess. My morning started off when Nic woke me up and informed me that the real estate troupe was here: the agent, four of his people, the copyrighter and the person who draws up the plans; along with an art assessor who was to assess our collection for insurance purposes. I had to rush to get dressed, my hair askew, no make-up and try and outspeak Nicolas who after having thus woke me up, saw fit to take charge and explain everything to these people.

I thought about it all instead while I folded the laundry, while I hung it, scrubbed the floors, watched Laurent, packed, watched the sunset, trained the dogs. So many changes in such a short time this past year. New goals, new directions, old things that need to be discarded and their energy allowed to return and disperse; new things that need to be invested into wholeheartedly.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally got to see the proofs of L's birthday, turned out very nicely and should get the first set of prints back in 2-3 weeks!

In other Bubbyliscious news, little mister took his first multiple steps today! Five steps the first time and between 3 and 5 the subsequent attempts. This was after we'd come back home from our special dinner I treated the two of us to and he caught sight of the dogs. Stood up, giggling and waving in delight at seeing "his dog" and after a few seconds of standing took one, two, three, four, five giggly steps!

I also realized I haven't actually written down what I've done training wise lately. This is because I haven't started Croyden yet due to the police incident at our neighbors last Sunday and I opted to repeat our current level of freestyle, not because Sierra needs the work on the tricks... those are actually quite good but because she needs more of the groundwork firmed up in her mind. She has a tendancy to forge in heeling, in fast paced exercises will mug my hands roughly, she needs more focus and concentration which is very much my fault for not working on those issues earlier and allowing her to feed off my own very 'up' energy and inconsistancies! So we're working on that now and instead of her being SO eager to do the exercise, we're premacking them so that, for example, she must perform a "focus/calm" behaviour (go to mat, watch me, stand quietly) in order to gain the opportunity to do the exercise (heeling, wand touch, weave etc.) The chance to do the task is essentially the reward for the calm-focus behaviour. Varying it of course so we don't end up chaining together things we don't want chained! The result for posting is that it's all rather boring!

What's not boring is that I've got a little fluffy puppy arriving in just 3 days! I am so excited about this, seems like a lovely fresh breath of air! I'm going to the Vic Specialty show to be surrounded by gorgeous Aussie's for the day and will come home with my little Hope!

The morning didn't start out very promising... but first because this is SO long, I'm going to tell everyone the puppies pictures have been updated, they are 1 week old now and you can see them HERE... they're SO gorgeous I've just been peeking at the photos smiling like a fool for hours! ;-)

Now that out of the way, back to the day... Laurent had been up all night and us with him - again. Egh. Nic took him from 4am onwards so I could get some sleep. By 6am, he'd rolled over, started snoring and promptly refused to wake for love or money, so Laurent and I (very, very reluctantly...) got up and had breakfast. There was a meeting of a bunch of AB'ers at the Melbourne Children's museum today, so we left for that, had a great day with everyone even though I was prolly rather out of it. *G*

Still feeling really bothered by the whole issue of moving. We're definitely moving, having the real estate agents out Monday to discuss our game plan... but not sure where we're going. The furthest I've been able to get Nic to even consider is Blackburn, which is a very nice area and has a lot to recomend it but I'm still longing to move out to the country and have a few acres for sheep, chooks, a veggie patch and the dogs etc. I've felt like this all along but now that it's crunch time and we're definitely going to make the move... well, if it doesn't happen now and we move to Blackburn, it'll be a long while till we move again if we do at all and it'll mean that I'll have to face up to the fact it's not happening anytime in the foreseeable future. Still, we had a great time out today and it was nice to just get away from all this muck and just enjoy the day and the company and watch Laurent have a ball crawling around exploring like mad!

When we got home, things came to a head of sorts I suppose. Not a quarl or anything, just sort of the both of us were ready to verbalize what was in our heads. He said a lot of stuff which sort of explained what he's been thinking and why he's been rather 'internal' the past few days. And I was finally able to articulate a lot of what's been in my head as well and that while I was happy with the things I have been able to get back in some degree in the past few months, I still miss the huge part of my life I left behind when I moved here to be with him... basically leaving my country, my home, my friends, my job, my entire lifestyle and well everything... and feeling really hurt he's was shutting down the idea without even *seeing* the towns first. He knows he would hate living in the country, he doesn't want to be around hicks, there's nothing there for him etc. but he's NEVER been there! Seriously, until I took him to KCC/Skye, he'd never been further than Malvern! If he'd been to them and still found they weren't what he'd be happy with, I could deal with that but that he was rejecting the idea out of hand, which was what upset me!

So that night he shocks the pants off me. Or he would have if I'd been wearing any instead of my jammies. We're laying in bed and out of the blue he says, "What about Tasmania?" *blink blink* Um. I don't know. What about it? "I was thinking about moving and the country... and what about moving to Tasmania?" *BLINK*... *BLINK* I paused to consider if I'd heard him right or if I'd accidentally taken anything that would cause hallucinations. No. Pretty sure not. Maybe this is a really weird dream then? I managed a very erudite, highly articulate, HUNH????? Where'd that come from?!? Geeze. Talk about gobsmacked. He won't consider major rural towns in Victoria because they're too far but thinks Tasmania is a good idea? And again, I repeat... HUUUUNH??????? Well. My. That was interesting.

I chalked it up to sleep depribed insanity and pointed out that at 4 am we ought to be sleeping, not trying to have an in-depth conversation when neither of us even vaguely resembles coherant.

So today we drove around Blackburn having a look and talked about making daytrips out to some of the country areas where we might be able to buy an acre or two... enough for sheep, chooks, a veggie patch and an agility yard. There are still SOOOOOOOO many things I feel conflicted about... hauling him out to somewhere he might be miserable, his ability to work out in those areas, have to be careful it's not an area that doesn't have the type of schools I want for Laurent and we have such an ideal school for him HERE (Preshil) that I feel bad about taking him away from that opportunity etc etc. And so I chase my tail in circles. ;-)

Happy happy joy joy news... I am FINALLY making headway of some of the 9 tons of "STUFF" we inherited from DH's mum and grandfather - both of whom defined the word "Packrat". Seriously, go look in the dictionary, I'm sure there must be photos of the two of them there. I've found postal recipts from packages they mailed in 1979... kid you not. :-O Bits and bobs and scraps of paper and things they figured might someday in someway possibly have a use... some of it's to the Salvos, some to Freecycle and some straight to the recycle bin.

ETA: While driving in Blackburn I asked him what he thought of the area. He said that he was quite happy with it and in a whistful tone added he supposed "if he got homesick for Hawthorn it wasn't too far"!!! LOL Can anyone say "Cancerian"?

The day

Busy day today... got a bunch of stuff that's needing taking care of for awhile done, though there's still more to do. Got some nice new shampoo for the dogs and a dumbell so I can start working on the retrieve bit of the hotdog retrieve I'm teaching. Played around with target wand for duration today and cue discrimination which is a fancy-schmancy way of saying I spat out a bunch of cues so the dog actually had to LISTEN instead of just relying on hand signals the little stinker!

Other than that, just sort of processing everything at the moment, feeling unsettled and restless since I took Sierra out for her herding lesson. I've never been very happy being here in Hawthorn, I only moved here on the premise that we would be selling and moving shortly after I arrived to a place more suitable. I (rather thoughtlessly) assumed that Australia would be laid out similarly to the US where the country and city areas are quite meshed and you can have a few acres while still being in a nice area, close to amenities etc. Needless to say that has not been the case.

I miss the country terribly. It was something I longed for since I left my grandmothers farm when I was about 5 and I don't think I've ever felt as sincerely at peace with the world as when I was able to move out after college and live in Fowlerville and Charlotte. I was never comfortable until I left the city areas. I enjoyed every moment of living out there, the quiet, the peace, the sunrises on my porch, the cool night air, the wind in the trees, the sun on the fields and all of a thousand other things and long to have those things back. There doesn't seem to be any way for that to happen though, as Nic won't move out to the country and then there is the issue of his having to be close to his work and Laurent's schooling.

My home is where my family is and I wouldn't trade this little family we've made for anything in the world... they are my heart, they complete me, I adore them and I am thankful every day I get to have them in my life as corney as that sounds. I have a difficult time reconciling the idea that I have to give up one thing for the other... the idealist in me rebels at the idea that I can't have both if I just work hard enough or want it badly enough. I believe you ought to pursue your dreams vigorously and leap into life with all your heart because it's just too darn short and precious to do otherwise. And I'm all too aware that there's little use in dwelling on what you can't have and can't change in life to the point you miss out on the good things you could be enjoying. The heart feels what the heart feels though and it's not so easy to ignore something that's such a deep part of you.

I think of my mother-in-law who spent her whole life waiting to pursue her dream, in a rather similar situation to mine - wanting to move to the country and start a bed-and-breakfast, have a big garden and lots of animals... yet staying here for the sake of work and her childs education. She always waited for a better time, for the right time... until there was no more time because her cancer reoccured and killed her. I'd like to think that I can learn from that and live my life in a way that there are no regrets... which thus far I've pretty much managed to do. Not that nothing bad has ever happened but I'm content that I did the best I could with what I had and made the most of everything and so I regret nothing of it. I can see this being something I will regret though, if it never comes to pass, if I waited too long until it was too late. It's too much a part of me and you can't ignore your self, that part of you that makes you who and what you are, without consequences.

When I was out at the herding lesson, I spent a lot of the time walking around the area and taking it all in. It reminded me a lot of the areas I loved and made me miss them all the more and brought up all these things once again. I'm not sure where that leaves me but I know I definitely don't feel at "home" in Hawthorn and know myself well enough to honestly say I'm never going to be happy here or feel like I fit in among the BMW driving Prada wearing fashion mavens and their cafe culture, though I'm happy with other aspects of my life and pursue and enjoy those things which I can do something about. I need the country in my heart, the land and the trees and the dew on the grass. I want sheep and chooks. I want to be in an area I can have my dogs underfoot, swirling happily around my feet as we walk in the fields, a whole kennelfull of them. I want to be in an area where I can work with them, which will never happen in Hawthorn. I want a big rambling garden of veggies. I want to feel connected to the land the way I did before I moved. Just musing out loud a bit, I suppose, wanting to put it out and see it in words with some substance, however small, instead of just whispy thoughts dancing around my mind. And at least when I say it here, there's no worry it makes Nic feel badly that he can't give me those things which has been the case in the past when I've spoken of these feelings of longing.

In happier news, I heard back from the puppies breeder and she feels one of the black tri girls may end up being what I'm looking for, although a few days old is far too young to determine much of anything. She mentioned the name she's thinking of, registered and call name, and it seems to me that perhaps it's a good omen. The theme for the litter is "heart and soul"... iow all the puppies in the litter will have something to do with that in their registered names. (The names that will be on their papers - eg Sierra is U-AGI Samilyn Too Qute To Be Tru CGC HIC and Cade is Rohan's Cascata Di Luce CGC) The theme for the litter just seemed very perfect because this has been such a longtime dream of mine and the dogs and working with them really is such a part of what makes me me. The puppy would also be an anniversary prezzie of sorts. And the call name (eg Cade and Sierra) for it, she is thinking of "Hope" which seems rather apt as well since Nic has told me not to give up on this dream for a long time. That and Hope ties in to both Sierra and the dog I had before her Brianna. I have the weird quirk of giving my dogs middle names. My first was Brianna, a lovely Collie whose name was Brianna Hope. I wanted to call her Hope but in a dream she told me her name was Brianna but I could call her Brianna Hope if I liked. When she passed away in2002 and I got Sierra, I wanted to name Sierra, "Faith" in tribute to Brianna Hope because she was so much like her I rather felt that Bria had sent her to me. Same thing, I dreamed that Sierra told me her name was "Sierra" (a name I didn't like really...) but she'd love to be called Sierra Faith. So perhaps Brianna is still looking after me with this puppy... I wouldn't put it past her, she was the most loving soul you'd ever want to meet.

So that's my day... and since I've still got to attend to dinner, I'll leave it lay for now.

A few more photos from herding...

Today is actually a big anniversary for us... the anniversary of Nic's mum's death. Both of us felt really off kilter today and spent the day just cuddling close. Kind of fitting, today was also a day we did a lot of work on the garden, which was also one of Nic's mum's very favorite places. Her dream was to open a big bed and breakfast with huge gardens for all her flowers but it never happened as her breast cancer came back and took her.

Our back garden has been a project and a half to get looking nice... our front garden as well! It's been slowly being worked on since late in my pregnancy. And while they're not completely finished by any means but there was MAJOR work done today! We're getting close!

I love our garden, it's a lot of different reasons I guess... it does feel like a tribute to Nic's mum as a lot of plants here are ones she loved or from her cuttings. Also it's lovely for us to just be able to work together as a family and enjoy the sunshine. And I'll admit, it's been a big deal for me because I never was able to have a garden before due to A.) renting, B.) the fact that Michigan isn't flower friendly as it's frozen half the year and C.) what the cold doesn't kill the deer eat. I'll take photos when we get it finished up but for now I think it's probably the best way we could have spent the day short of being able to spend it with his mum.

It's been a busy few days... training, gardening and generally being run off my feet! We've all had this buggering chesty cold thing going on which doesn't help.

Thursday we spent a lot of time at the cemetary at Grandpa's grave. It's such a surreal thing being there. We spent some time just sitting and talking about him, what we'd tell him if he was here now, how we wished he could be here to see Laurent and arranging the flowers etc. After a time we walked around the rest of the cemetary talking about Grandpa and looking at the old tombstones. A lot of them are from 1860-1890's and so many of them are of young children which I found very sad. I can't even imagine the pain their families must have felt. All of which had me spending the rest of the evening pondering how transient things really are, how the important things in our lives aren't the material ones or works but the people we leave behind us. There was a point when Nicole (a friend of the family's) had commented to us after we picked up the boxes of Grandpa's belongings at the nursing home that it (the boxes) weren't much to show for 97 years of living. We've just now finished going through those boxes, not because there was a great many of them but because it was difficult to go through them and admit he was really gone and wouldn't be coming back for them. His real legacy though was never in how many things he had but in being a father to his Francoise whose legacy is in Nicolas, who in turn brought Laurent into the world. (Okay, so he had a little help from me in that one... )

Friday ended up being a real handful. We had to take care of a bunch of bills, rates, car registration etc. We parked outside Vic Roads for the last one just before they were closing. They took forever of course and we came back to find we'd been ticketed! WTF! I look at the sign - 1 hr parking from 9:00 to 4:30. I look at the time the ticket was issued and it's 4:39! Talk about anal! I'm writing to protest as I really don't need a $107 fine at the moment, especially for being 9 minutes late because Vic Roads happened to be busy! Meanwhile, L didn't get any naps and was super cranky by the time I had Freestyle class, Sierra was well and truly bouncing off the walls because I didn't give her breakfast and her blood sugar was wonky so her brains were out the window. Class went fine except for apparently we were supposed to work on teaching a left spin which apparently I didn't hear so of course I didn't teach it. Urg. Stupid hearing loss! To be fair the building tends to have a lot of echo in it and the teachers are moving around across the building so it's not like they're in one nice quiet place for me to lip read! ;-) Ah well. We started working on it right away but Sierra was such a nutter she didn't really get it until we worked on it Saturday morning. Got it in about five minutes then! Silly girl. Silly me for not feeding her as well! Had to dash out for disposable nappies as I realized that I hadn't set L's cloth to wash and we were o-u-t. Ooopppppss.... drat!

Saturday we went to a birthday party for one of L's friends at playgroup who is going to be a year old. It was a beautiful day and the birthday boy makes a gorgeous one year old but it's also made me realize that Laurent is almost a year old as well! YIKES! It still seems amazing to me that I'm a mum at all, let alone being mum to a 1 year old. Holy heck, how did that happen?!? I also probably should solidify my plans for his party soonish as well and avoid my typical last minute freaking out. LOL Nic ended up getting home at 2:30 AM and so he was zonked for much of the day today.

Today was mostly a pretty slow day. Nic and Laurent took a big long nap that let me get a lot of gardening (read: weeding) in. (For anyone who doesn't know, our garden is perpetually in need of weeding... just as fast as I get it out, it grows back!) Everything went really well the rest of the day as well until Laurent fell from where he was standing at the doors and hit his nose on the way down. I've been having nightmares about the hinges on these doors as they're right at his level and project out. They're a head wound waiting to happen and I've been bugging Nic about them for ages. I'm paranoid about them but sure enough today he hurt himself... my poor little bubba... he's got a cut on the underside of his nose from it. He was too shocked to even scream for a moment before he let out the biggest wail and I could see blood welling up. It only bled a bit for a moment and he was trying to grab and eat the tissue so he's not traumatized but it gave me a scare seeing him hurt on the stupid hinge after how much I've worried about it. So that is now on the list of things to fix tomorrow and I'm heading to bed before I faceplant on the keyboard even though I *STILL* need to reply to about a dozen e-mails from friends and family!

After the past few days being a bit full-on emotionally, today was pretty perfect! Laurent woke up at 7:30 and I was still tired, so Nic decided to take him on a nice long walk to give me extra time to sleep in. I got up after the Pointy Red Dog decided to burrow under the covers and goosed me in the process. I wandered out to the kitchen, flicked on the water for tea and found Nic and Bunny already back and playing. I tip toed through quickly before Bunny saw me to the bathroom and when I came back out I was directed to go sit down. So I did and this is what I found... my boys hadn't just been out for a walk, they decided to buy me flowers, a cherry tart and put it with a little message...
Awww... *gushes* How sweet is THAT?!?

The rest of the day was pretty good as well. Bunny is in a much better mood from the previous few weeks and was cheerful and chattering all day. We went back to the Gardens today and spent more time wandering around. Bunny slept most of the time but we'd brought the dogs and I decided to snap a few quick photos. Most of them turned out pretty icky, the camera was refusing to meter the light right and a lot of them came out noisy. (This is a well known issue with FZ30's!) Nevertheless here are the ones that I liked...
This one of Sierra standing on a tree-base... not the greatest shot but okay I guess. These were shot in fairly low light (no flash, so it's all natural and unedited aside from resizing) which I'm finding really challenging.
A slightly better one of Cade. This one did have some editing, I had to retouch the area where Cade's lead was dangling next to the right front leg. Not a bad job if I do say so myself!
And a close-up of Sierra and her pretty blue eyes. :-)

My beautiful bubby, earlier photo that the park. Just because he's so gosh darn gorgeous! ;-) (No, not prejudiced at all here!) I got all gooshy about him pulling himself up on objects and wrote this as journaling for a scrapbook page.

Since the moment you were born I've been struck by the desperate feeling that time is simply passing too fast. I remember looking at you, only a few minutes old and thinking those minutes had simply passed too quickly as I sat and held you watchfully. I wanted to grab each moment, hold each one and force it to slow down, to linger gently for awhile so I could enjoy those first few hours and stay in each one for at least a few days or a week or a month.

You would never again be one minute old, one hour old, one day old, one week old. Slowly you would loose the special look of a newborn, your downy hair would be replaced with silky fine baby hair, your eyes wouldn't squench in quite the same way as they grew used to the light of the outside world. I suppose every mother feels a bit like this but I wasn't prepared for how keenly I felt the minutes and even seconds rushing by. I felt such an intense need to savor each moment to the fullest, commit it to my heart and never ever forget. In the wee hours of the night when I was so exhausted my eyes stubronly refused to focus and all I wanted was to sleep just ten more minutes, I reminded myself that this time would pass all too quickly as well and I would miss it later and it made me treasure it as well.

I treasure the changes in you, I love the sparkling eyes and gummy smile and chubby kissable cheeks of your 9 month old self that have replaced my newborn and then my infant. I still bury my nose in your hair, no longer downy but now a lovely wispy golden brown and inhail the wonderful scent of you. I adore the way you look when you reach out your baby-soft arms to me or babble a response to me, the way your crawling speeds up when there is something you really want to see, your sweet laugh and the way you wrap your arms around my neck and cuddle close. I know that you will keep growing and I will treasure the next set of changes even as I treasure the ones that have come thus far but I know I will miss the 9 month old you as well.

Soppy much? But true. I have to wonder where the time has gone and I miss that sweet newborn even as I adore the toddler he seems to be rushing pell mell into becoming!

Now for some other cool news... we got into the tracking day tomorrow! Yippie!!! I wasn't sure there would be enough openings but we got a phone call today and were told to come along. So tomorrow at the crack of dawn we're heading out to Keilor to take the dogs Tracking! :-)

Okay, so I had this big long thing I wrote the other night after training as I'd had this moment where I just realized several really important things not just about training (in fact, probably relatively little to do with training) but about myself and why I do things the way I do and how pervasive the damaged done by punishment and negative reinforcment is and it just totally highlighted to me why I don't use aversive based methods and was very, very emotional and and and... *poof*... "Corel has an internal error and must shut down this ill designed piece of crap program". ARRRGHH!!!

At the time I was really upset because I just didn't have the energy to write it all up again and it REALLY was exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Right now I'm inclined to be philisophical about it. Maybe it was the universe's way of telling me to just get it out and let it go.

I'll actually sit down and write about what it was in a day or so but right now I am severely drained energy wise. Laurent is teething or maybe he knocked something out of alignment with the fall or maybe it's a growth/developmental stage or gods only know what... but he is VERY windy and waking up every 30-45 minutes, screaming, not able to take day naps, super over-tired and just generally NOT happy. It hurts so he wants to nurse (and nurse and nurse and nurse) but even that doesn't settle him. My poor beautiful boy. I can just hear his stomach gurgling and he crunches and arches in pain and wails before letting out the longest, loudest farts you've ever heard. Honestly, I've counted to ten-one-thousand slowly and he's still farting. It's probably a world record for farts. I wish there was something, anything, I could do... my poor sunshine boy is miserable with it and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset but everything we've tried so far seems completely u s e l e s s.

On the upside of things we met Nic's cousin Nina today and her son and daughter. OMG we have family here! We have NICE family here! *does a little happy dance* Ohhh... she is so nice and warm and easy to talk to and we had a great chat! We finally saw pics of Nic's dad as a child and Laurent looks similar in certain ways, as does Nic. Laurent got a nifty music toy that projects little figures on the ceiling when it's dark in patterns, so cute! She was so sweet and kept assuring us that she was so happy and would love to keep in contact but only if we wanted to and I was just falling over because here we'd been wishing and wishing we had some family here! An imposition?!? More like a dream come true! LOL

I also finally wound this skein of yarn I got a month or so ago. It's hand painted and hand dyed and YUMMY colors! Ohhhh... I really like how it knits up all bluey-greeny! I'm trying to make a hat out of it for Laurent because I've only got a small ball and it's expensive ($16 for 50 grams) and my ability is limited to say the least but I just have this vision of a beautiful sweater and longies in this stuff... it's sooooo gorgeous!!! Here's the link to the maker, Art Yarns but it doesn't show how truly rich and VIVID the colors are. They're just yumlicious amazing!

Anyway, I need to go, the poor dogs are staring at me pitifully begging for attention and preferably training because training is attention that results in rewards. Greedy little things!

a short post

Just a short post tonight... betchya didn't know I could do those did you?

Doggie stuff is coming along great, Si is doing a lot better in several areas and we're working on her homework for freestyle. We need to think of a piece of music for our first routine, which we'll start putting together the week after this one. I have a few things in mind but it's hard to find one that is appropriate and short enough, needs to be about 1 minute to 1 minute 30 seconds. I also got into contact with the Tracking Club of Victoria as they're holding a tracking training day the 30th, which sounds like fun! I may take the two hooligans! :-)

And an interesting thing happened today... we got a letter from one of DH's cousins on his father's side. We didn't even know she existed! Apparently his father's brother had a daughter, Nina, who has a 17 year old son and a 14 year old daughter and lives in Burwood East! Neat! We're going to go meet them this Sunday afternoon for dinner.

Nina, Nic's cousin, also told an interesting story about our surname. We'd always wondered a bit about it, it's not a typical Italian surname and aside from DH's family we don't know anyone who shares it. Apparently the story goes that way back when churches had a donation box of sorts which was for anonymous donations. You basically opened a little door, set something in the little capsule, closed the door and the capsule rotated to the inside of the church. Well one day the monks found a most unusual donation - when they opened it, among the donations lay a little baby. It was suspected one of the royalty who had an affair resulting in a child not by her husband which meant she couldn't keep it. The monk picked the baby up and had to decide on a name. Finally he decided that as the baby had been orbiting around in the donation box all night, the baby would be called Orbitani.