So I've been thinking... (puppy/sketchy stuff)

... and yes, I do know the old adage about how dangerous THAT can be!

At any rate, I have been pondering a lot lately about getting another puppy/dog. I feel like it's the next step in moving past the depression and constant missing of Verity that has consumed the months since loosing her.

I have on and off been thinking of importing when I do so as (in a weird way) it seems it would be easier given that the US is simply more populous and hence has more available whereas because the breed is new and small here, with less people overall and less litters, finding one with lines I like AND the combination of sound conformation/health/temperament/drive/working ethics AND bred by someone who is similar in terms of ethics/puppy raising thoughts AND whom is going to have one in the nearish future AND whom having produced this very spunky, versatile pup is then willing to part with it. (Yeah I know, I don't want much hey!) Don't get me wrong, there are Aussie breeders here who fit the first two sets but the later two are more tricky! (Not a bad thing either, just not good for me! LOL)

The bug landed in my brain awhile ago, intensified when I saw a lovely male (the stunning Zoom) and then more recently noticing a breeding that is being done in the US at the moment which tugged my heart. The dam of the litter is Sierra's half-sister through their mum Handy. Which hopefully would mean that some of the wonderful qualities Si has would be there. It's a repeat breeding of a litter from a few years back so there's that to compare to and give an idea how they matured. The litter would also be loosely related to Verity via common or commonly-related ancestors of her sire for both the sire and dam of the litter a few generations back. Admittedly it's rather loose but is a huge heart-tug still. Veri was my golden girl, I would love to have a little piece of her heart, humor, beautiful spirit and joyousness in some small way. It would also have a tie in to a dog and bloodlines here, Gideon being behind the sire, meaning that any future breeding wouldn't be totally violent out crosses but still be able to maintain decent COI/COR's.

The minor problem being that importing is not inexpensive. There are more sensible things to buy. Even if I saved the money I should probably put it toward fixing bits of the house up or putting it into a savings or something. Security for the future and all that. We're a young family, we're on a single income, we've got house payments and school fees. I should be content with what I've got and not want so much. But still... my mind wanders to it, chides me not to be negative without even exploring options. Obviously THIS litter is out but perhaps another related to it might present. Which is probably a good indication I need to be hauled to the loony bin and given a coat that lets me hug myself but I digress.

In the thought of, "Where the heck am I going to get that kind of money?" it occurred to me I might sell sketches. I've never done so for a couple reasons:
* first I'm not a professional, I have absolutely NO training and my stuff isn't professional level. I'd love to attend courses and learn professionally eventually but for the moment, while it's not bad is IS amature so I didn't think there would be a huge market
* my preferred (self-taught) mediums are pencil and watercolour, whereas the portrait market seems to tend toward oil/acrylic paintings
* I didn't think the market that would exist for amature level works would pay more than $25-30 a piece, which wouldn't be worth it for the hours put in. (By comparison, some of the pros I admire charge $400-800 per commission)
* because we view our pets through our relationship with them and I wouldn't know my subjects it's entirely possible I'll spend the time making a portrait from a photo the person just isn't happy with or feels wasn't worth the money because it doesn't capture the essence of what THEY see in their pet
* I'd be ultra perfectionist stress head
* I've been a bit leery that doing it to order would suck the joy out of it

Buuuuuttt.... it wouldn't require I be outside the house or involve high set-up fees and could work around my schedule. All necessary to me as I'm not willing to compromise staying home with my children while they're small. (I'm greedy about my time with my small people, I won't give it up if I can help it!) Annddd... I've seen a couple of people around on various pet forums, facebook and such who are around the same level I am and still charging a decent amount.

I'm not decided. Mainly because I'm not sure about the market for it and if it'd be more hastle than it's worth for what it'd end up being. Just something to ponder for awhile I think...

Pictures and such

These are actually from a some days back now, taken at Jayne's housewarming party. La discovered swirly tennis along with B and thought it was absolutely the coolest. I just like the shots because I'm prone to going gushy remembering how little he used to be. (Blame the hormones...) In fact, when he and B first met they were 1 month and 3 months old respectively.

Not the best shots but I love the cute-little-boys factor... they've grown into such gorgeous little people. :)

And this is X, whom we've known pretty much as long through AB meet-ups although being as he and his mum live further away we haven't seen anywhere near as much. Despite this they had a blast playing.

And of course, requisite shots of Lilypillie... mostly zonked, occasionally with eyes open! LOL




I have been so annoyed with my camera as these are the only pics that have been decent this week! It's too chilly to take pictures outside and with rain and hail, lighting has been very bad inside for natural light shots as my camera hates low light. A lot. From what I've read it's a digital "thing" as it only goes to F2.8 and in low light the camera gears down shutter speed to get good exposure - which means F2.8 and 1/30th which in turn means blur and noise even with a tripod, shutter remote and bumped ISO.

Not much to report on the dog front. I've really just sort of taken a time out from it all. I'm semi-thinking about going back to training next week but I'm not really sure if I'm ready or not. I haven't really had the heart to go since Cami as moving forward means leaving that point of life behind and and I lost out on agility unfortunately. I went to the ASCV's open show and herding, just to watch on Sat and that was hard enough. It took me a long while to get out of the car and my thoughts were wandering to her most of the time. I've also been very remiss in attending e-mails as well, taking ages to reply to anyone, which I feel awful about as it's really rude. A bit of it is because spare time for the computer is a bit more sparse these days but a lot of it if I'm honest just comes from failing to find words in reply to anything to do with it. Not feeling guilty is impossible and not missing her is just not going to happen, no matter how overjoyed I am with Lily and thankful that she along with Laurent, Sierra, Hope, Verity, Jasper, the sheep and birds are all here, healthy and wonderful. On that rather brooding note, the good moments do outweigh the bad and I am doing okay before I worry anyone - it's just that the sadness of the bad moments still walks very near to me.

A pic of La... very typical of the ones I get of him recently: off and running! (And this is why I like natural light so much better... I suck at indoor photos!)

Way bleached out and the red value is funky but check that cheeky grin!

I have a bajillion and one things to do, here's the ones that need doing from now till Monday I'm hoping writing this out will give me the motivation to get it done because I've been very frusterated with how little I've gotten accomplished the past few days, inbetween child and dog underfoot un-cleaning behind me!

Oh! Also very excited to be trying to dye my yarn after reading heaps about how to do it with the supplies and yarn I have on hand, which are different than the ones usually talked about on how-to websites. So I have my vinegar, wiltons FC's, citric acid powder and am currently soaking the hank for another 1.5 days in a warm water/vinegar bath because silk (it's silk/merino) supposedly needs to really soak before it takes dyes well. I really wanted to use autumn leave colours and found a picture for inspiration of colours. Here's sort of what I want it to look like when I'm done! No idea if it actually WILL because supposedly reds are hard to do but we'll see! (ETA: Deleted for space since I finished!)

I also have about a dozen things I'm trying to save for that I need to look at and decide what's a priority. Nothing huge and amazing but the list goes:

• the aforementioned T-touch seminar
• a full basic agility equipment set up ($$$$ KACHING! *sigh*)
• an iPod/MP3 player, a basic one probably 2nd hand (need to research to figure out what one I want)
• classes - I want to start a spinning course, a photography course and an art course (lost-wax bronze sculpting actually)
• a tattoo, a design based on a necklace of mine which I decided I wanted as a tattoo at 11 years old and really need to do instead of just talking about (cuz I'm a big whimp)
• yoga classes - I miiiissssssss them and DVD's just aren't the same!
• a family vacation for all of us somewhere within Australia - next years will be international, hopefully to France! :-)
• a trip to the US for Clickerexpo and to visit some of the dogs I really like and am considering as eventual studs for Hope. (Pending health clearances etc etc etc and that's one to save for over the next year really but a goal so I wanted to put it here)
  

I won't even touch the umpteen books I want... the sum total of which is probably more than the national debt. LOL

Nic and I have also been talking about Bubba #2 and so far what we've hashed out is:

• yes, we both want at least one more though I expect all up I'll probably have 3... #3 being much later in life though. I have had such a strong feeling our family is meant to be 2 boys and a girl.
  
• we do want La to be able to understand "wait a minute" in case the pregnancy is difficult like last time and perhaps be going to kinder when the baby is a newborn so I can have that one-on-one time with the new baby... so this would be when he's 3 or so
• My clucky-hormones don't like it but I do want to get at least started on my courses... I really don't care if it takes longer for me to finish everything but I want to at least get started and have spent more time working the dogs but I want to do it well before I'd have ever breeding Hope because I don't want to contend with a litter/doggy adolescence with a newborn.

Since dreaming is cheap however - we played the name game. Girls were pretty easy since we both want our picks from if Laurent had been a girl. I like mine better because Chloe is in the top 10 in both countries, whereas my pick is not freakishly uncommon but not overly common either. Boy names are more up for debate! Voilà ma toute nouvelle liste! Filles: Amélie Mirielle, Chloe Mirielle. Gars: Mathieu Thomas, Mathieu Élian, Mathieu Célian If you didn't catch it, Mathieu is actually my fav for a boy but what goes with it or in what order... eh. Who knows!

Well as expected, our offer was flatly refused. The real estate agent said he has a feeling they're not willing to move for anything less than their asking price and gosh but wasn't that a huge shock. (Not!) My vote was to simply give them a reasonable offer ($485 simply isn't...) instead of doing a dummy-opener we all knew they were going to turn down but apparently, according to both RE Dude and Nic, this is simply my Midwestern sensibilites arcing up and this is just how business is done here. *rolls eyes*

Be that as it may, I am what I am and this back-n-forth business in an attempt for each party to screw each other over as best they can simply leaves a bad taste in my mouth. An offer you and everyone know is unacceptable seems just plain insulting to everyone involved. If that's because I'm a small town Midwesterner and as the steriotype goes tend toward straight-up, plain-spoken pragmaticness, disdaining beating around the bush, I'm sure I can think of worse cultural traits to have. So I asked Nic to call him (RE Dude) up and tell him that I really didn't want to play games with anyone and would he please just tell the people we'd like the house, here's our best offer (which the guy knew as our best from the previous house, to see if it'd change their minds after they took it off the market) and if it's acceptable great, if not, there's nothing for it and we'll keep looking. Simple eh? Nic still managed to take that single sentence and turn it into a 7 minute spiel. Can you hear me rolling my eyes?

I've also been thinking a lot about courses as this has been something I've wanted to pursue since I came over here and had targeted myself to start when La is old enough that he can stay alone with Nic for more than a few hours. (So I have time to go to classes and time to study.) He is coming up on that age, several more months yet but enough that I've got the itch to start my planning again. Still no joy in finding a place that offers a program like what I'm looking for. The land we'll be able to get will be too small to do a full scale opperation but I am looking into niche markets with small amounts of handspun wool, roving and fleece cuttings for various purposes (knitting, felting, stuffing, arts and crafts), lambs seasonally for sale and possibly using the milk for soaps as I knew someone who made *the* most gorgeous soaps out of excess ewe and goats milk! I also need to avail myself of the in's and out's of pasture improvement/management for Australia since I'm sure it's different, especially with different native vegetation and the drought going on. For that, there is an online/coorespondance course I might take but I'm not sure if it's worth the money or just stuff I could learn indepedantly you know?

This will be something that starts off very small, very slowly but hopefully turns into a nice little cottage industry at some point, probably over 5-6 years or so. Looking at the land as I did the other day, I think we're also set on having a goat to take care of the bracken. Hey, the goat can help with milk soap too! ;-)

I have to say that looking back into this stuff usually gets me feeling a little bit unsettled because most people my age have already done the serious-college-student bit if they intend to go after certain types of careers. Me? I'd be basically starting at scratch again. I'd have to build my GPA up because right now it's crap, which was my own doing since I signed onto a ASL course after loosing my hearing and decided I was too sick to keep going and risking the next car wreck I was inviting taking more than just my hearing. This was of course midway into the term, as I'm too darn stubborn to give up when I probalby should have, so it was either take an incomplete (which trounced my GPA) or keep going. Bllllleeehhhh. So long term goals but I can only really worry about the small, immediate steps I can actually control in getting them I suppose. I amuse myself picturing me doing my homework and fretting over my teachers while La is sitting there doing the same. Lends a new image to "study buddies"! *snerk*

While I was busy doing all this sooking over the fact that I've left this till "late" to do (yeah, I know, not really... indulge me in my dramatics, it feels later than I'd have liked anyhow) and maybe I should pick a smaller goal instead of something quite so lofty. As I was mulling that over, I was flipping through the newspaper (which I normally don't get but it had an article on a place we visit frequently) and here is my horoscope:

"You can't be what you are not, any more than you can stop being what you are. You can, though, stop being what you only ever thought you were supposed to be and you can be, instead, what you have always wanted to be. And you have to be very careful about defining what it is that you were not born to be. All too often, we restrict ourselves unnecessarily. We tell ourselves that this or that can never be because it was simply never meant to be. Your future is soon due to be much better than you ever thought it would be."

Hm. Interestingly applicable!

And at some point in all this, I *am* going to get my vacation! Me, Nic, La, three dogs for a nice long weekend at some small town with interesting stuff to do, antique shops to poke my nose through and a big farm where I can run around in circles with La, take in the sights, meander about and enjoy it all. Now I just need to find out where...

First though, this sleeplessness needs dealing with. Sir Bubby Lala is finally feeling close to well again after getting into some dairy last week. He manifested this by being clingy, whingy, unsettled and not sleeping a bloody wink, while nursing 24-7 to the point I'm reealllyyyy rather sore and over it at the moment!

Anyhow. Sounds like Nic has him rocked down, so it's off to bed for me!

Interesting days...

Geeze, the past few days have been so busy and had so many rather big changes I'm not sure quite where to start... mark it down on your calanders guys, for once I'm at a loss for words! ;-)

Okay, now that THAT'S over... here's my ramble! ;-)

I suppose part of it is that I'm reconciling myself to the idea that there are various priorities and I need to really rank them in terms of most to last and will have to compromise some of them for the others because the Ideal World isn't where I live and it seems this one is being rather stubborn about rearranging itself to suit me! ;-)

I do have more research to do... yup, heaps and heaps. Not just about Laurent's education and college requirements but about my own and where I want to go in this new year and in the years beyond it. While I definitely love being a stay at home mum, I know at some point in my life I want to resume pursuing my own outside interests as well. Most likely that will be in the realm of dog training, as it's been a life-long passion (...shocking secret there...) and I think I have a lot to offer, though I still have quite a lot to learn as well. In terms of qualifications, I'd like a good hard-science grounding... theory and research is the part of dog training I'm most passionate about aside from the dogs themselves. ;-) I'm really fascinated with the work done in the States and the UK and I would adore being involved in something like this over here. (I know... ambitious much?) This is of course, still a year or two off because it would be too much to take on something quite so time intensive and attention demanding with what I've already got on my plate at the moment. When I do it, I want to be able to focus on it and that means not right now. This year and the past few have been ones of major upheaval and adjustment, mostly one right after another if not on top of each other, so I'm planning to take a little break from the major life-changing stuff for a little while! ;-)

I think that it's something I need to plan for though and am really thinking about it as I take stock with the new year approaching. Like I've told Nic since we first discussed children, I don't believe you can raise a balanced, WHOLE person by neglecting yourself and being incomplete and unfurfilled. Need to take my own (darn good!) advice sometimes! Rather I think one of the best ways to instill a child with a passion for life, for learning, for a sense of "drive" for lack of better terms, is by living that way yourself, by being furfilled, by having that balance and being a 'whole' person.

Other than that, I've also been indulging in a lot of art at the moment. I used to be very artsy, did a lot of painting, sketching, some sculpting, though everything just self-taught. I've been getting back to that lately and really enjoying it. I'll scan pics and put them up later tonight or tomorrow afternoon after the house inspections. (We're having the regular one plus a private inspector ocming after!)

Have been working with the dogs quite a bit in short little bursts. Some of it's just memory games, seeing how fast they can whip out a behaviour on cue, rewarding the really fast responses big time, rewarding the slower ones less and with lesser value goodies. Working on distractions with Sierra, seeing how many different variations I can get her to ignore, which is probably convincing the neighbors I've well and truly lost it. ("Hey look, it's that crazy dog lady... why on earth is she doing jumping jacks in a circle around the poor dog with a santa hat on her head?!?") Also finding 'heel' position no matter where she is relative to me. For Hope I'm trying to stick with teaching her to stand, to stack, to gait, to make and hold eye contact and put up with exams. I'm also having to watch her like a hawk as the little termite decided chewing up bits of the window frame was a grand idea despite ample chew-bones!

Yawning now, have been EXHAUSTED with L's cutting 2 new teeth! Playgroup was really nice today, even if I was nabbed by the NH volunteer and had my head crammed with more information than it ever has hope of holding in my brainless state! Had two new mums who were really nice, one of whom was very much a country girl from NZ with a city slicker husband and could really relate to my, "OMG, I'm in the city! EWWW!!!" reaction to moving here! LOL

Anyhow off to scan those pics! :-)

Cross-roads

I've been doing a lot of drawing within lately, becoming somewhat introverted while thinking over a lot of things. It's rather all encompassing, as I've been thinking about where I am, where I'm heading, what I want from the future, how the choices made now will affect the direction of the rest of our lives. Part of this is the time of year... at the beginning of the year we were going through the major change of adapting to life with a baby, my dogs were recently arrived from quarantine, Charlotte passing away, we lost Nic's grandfather on almost the same day after a lot of emotional decisions to place him in full-time care as his memory and mobility were degrading to the point he couldn't be unattended safely. I felt the weight of my choice to move to a foreign country, marry and have a baby settle on me and fully realized that so many of the things which had made up my life previously were now gone or different. Rather naeively, I hadn't thought the country would be very differently structured in some ways... discovering that I would have to choose between city and country was one of those, as many places in the US have farms right next to the city and intermingled even. So many of the things I took for granted as simply being part of how the world worked were different here, sometimes unavailable, sometimes just unaccessable because I didn't know how to find them in this place. I felt like I was starting all over again as I had to relearn what was involved in virtually everything, because while some things were similar, some were quite different and I had no way of knowing which was which until I landed knee-deep in it... a most disconcerting experience to be sure! As much as a culture shock, there was also the huge difference of going from a place which was supremely rural and which I deeply loved, to living in the inner suburbs and having to adapt to a fashion-concious cafe culture where what label you were wearing and the cut of your hair were much more important than previous. Looking back, it's been a huge amount of changes in such a whirlwind, short time. It's daunting to look back on and realize how monumental it's all been.

At the start of the year, I'd made a list of New Years Goals. Some of them I've achieved, some of them I haven't. Some still seem important, others not so much. Other things have happened that I didn't plan on, both bad and good, that have made me reassess a lot.

Another part of this is that this is Nic's mum's birthday and the anniversary of her death. The fourth birthday, the fourth Christmas, the fourth year she won't be able to spend with us and we feel her loss so keenly. Gods, it still seems like such a short time ago and at the same time, ages and ages ago. Her loss at such a young age, when she still had so much to live for and so much she wanted to do highlights for me the reasons why I feel your dreams should be pursued. She spent her whole life wanting to move to the country, to pursue her interests, to live her dreams... and kept telling herself that the time wasn't right, she needed to do this or that first, she'd have it "someday". She lost that when we lost her to a reoccurance of cancer. I've seen my uncle pass away still with so much to do. I've seen too many others wait until it was too late as well. I don't want that for myself. I've always been that way and other things that have happened have highlighted the importance of pursuing your goals avidly and not waiting... almost 10 years I've been waiting to show dogs and actively trial and time after time I let things get in the way. I do regret that, I regret not pursuing those dreams more actively, working to make them happen instead of telling myself there was always time to do it later, time to do it when I didn't have so many other obligations, when "the time was right" and conditions were ideal. Life thus far has shown me that conditions are never ideal and they don't need to be to go after what you want and be successful.

I suppose also, my time in college comes into this, as I really wish I'd been able to complete my veterinary degree. I do understand that at the time it would have been darn near impossible, just too many other things stacked against me and I wasn't in the right place for it to happen. I still toy with the dream from time to time, taking it out and cherishing it, imaging what it would be like, though I do also feel that it's no longer something perfectly suited in that it would mean a huge amount of time taken away from my family, the stress involved in attaining the degree and I do have other interests I'd like to pursue as well. But a part of me wishes the idealistic dream had happened and I had that diploma to my credit, something to show that I'd gone after and fought for and won. The not-so-mature part of me would like to throw it back in the face of my father for every time he told me I was stupid, worthless, a waste of time and would never amount to anything. The more mature part of me knows I've accomplished more than he ever will and that the most maginificent achievement in my life and my number one priority is my beautiful child and my family. But that immature side giggles manically at the idea of thumbing my nose at him still. ;-)

The last part of it is that we're almost about to move. After waiting to sell this house for 2 years, we've only got a few days till auction on the 16th. I'm insanely nervous. What if we don't get a good offer? What if this drags on for months? What if we run up thousands of dollars in advertizing? What if it's not enough to get us the house we want? What if it IS? What if.... what if! Such an uncertain feeling, as if the floor might drop out from under me but I can't be sure of it. And then there's still the question of where to move.

I dearly want to move to the country. I want acerage, I want peace, I want to be able to have dogs, do agility, herd... eventually breed and start my own kennel. I want a huge vegetable garden. I want quiet walks down country lanes. I want the place I left when I moved from the US.

I also want a school which uses a particular educational philosophy for Laurent as education is such a hugely important thing for me. I also am concerned that it's decently ranked because such things do count when it comes to college and I want him to have that opportunity if that's what he wants. Unfortunately the school for that is about a 5 minute walk from where we live in suburbia. I'm no fan of suburbia, it's clausterphobic and noisy and I hate having neighbors piled on top of you. I don't like that the only trees are ones that are carefully pruned and neatly tended in fancy gardens instead of just growing wild and free and not made to conform. Anthropmorphizing? Why, yes! But no less true for it. It's not that I mind the shops and the cafes, that I don't like the fashion or the food... it's that I want those things near where I have my nice acerage and can have the lifestyle I want.

I also have to consider work. Work is in the city. It's where the vast majority of jobs are and if I move to the country and drag Nic along, that means finding a new job or a way to commute, which for a person who doesn't drive is a big obstical. And if he looses a job, then it's that much harder to find a new one in the country.

I also have to consider what the area is like. Unlike the US where country doesn't necessarily mean the people are backwards, feral bogans... here it often seems to. That's not the type of community I want Laurent to grow up in or the values that I want him to come up with.

I very much also feel the need to settle. I'm tired of everything shifting and being up in the air. I've moved from place to place and been as rootless as a gypsy wanderer since I was 18 and moved wherever school and work were. I don't want more major changes. I want to settle, to put down roots and not budge. I want a house isn't just a house but a HOME... one that I'm going to stay in till I'm old and wrinkly and surrounded by fat, happy grandchildren.

So it feels like whatever path I choose at this point, it will really define the majority of my life.

I can choose to stay in the suburbs, which I really don't like and won't be able to realize my dreams in. I can set up my life here, have a few dogs but never breed. I can reconcile myself to the fact that this is what's right for Nic and best for Laurent's education. But it won't change the fact that that's ALL it will ever be - me reconciling myself, settling for what's "right" despite what my heart and soul tells me. The idea of staying in the suburbs for the rest of my life makes me physically queasy. From as early as I can remember, I always hated living in them and loved living in the country, loved the small townness, loved the quiet and solitude. I suppose it can be said that when I'm ready to "retire" then I could go out to the country and live my dream but that goes back to what I said about how I feel about waiting for "someday" to come... I'm only too aware that it might not and that would be something I regreted forever. It also goes back to what I said about not wanting to uproot myself and my whole life again to move from the city to the country someday, leaving behind everything I've established here for myself, leaving the lifestyle that Laurent will have grown up in, the one that Nic will then have another 30-40+ years in.

On the other hand, I could move to the country but that would be a very permanent move because there's no way that once I set up my life there, started a kennel, invested my everything into that... no way could I give that up. As absurd as it sounds, I really didn't know I was giving it up the first time when I moved here. I decided to move here 3 days after arriving, knowing virtually nothing about the place and only having Nic's word that we'd sell and find a place more suited to us. I assumed at the time this meant that we'd be able to find an acre or two on teh outskirts of a major town because this is how the US is laid out. Had I been told I'd be stuck in suburbia for the rest of my life by moving here, I'm not sure I would have moved here.

This isn't to say I regret my choice to move here. I've gained several wonderful things, not the least of which is my family, my child, my cat and my beautiful new puppy who is in a way the furfillment of a long-time dream. I've grown into myself in so many ways. I've definitely changed. Some of that has to do with becoming a mum I suppose but a lot of it I think is just plain old personal growth.

I feel like I'm casting about trying to understand it all and find a direction and something solid to stand on but I feel completely certain and calm too. I'm not sure there's really a point to this... or maybe that is the point: that there is no point because I feel like I'm lacking one at the moment. Just trying to sort this all out in my head! If you've made it this far you deserve a medal... I'm not sure I made it this far and I wrote it!!!

Reading everyone's blogs I'm struck by how much a lot of people around me have this whole really deep, complex sublife going on. You know, how we all have the surface stuff and even the more serious stuff which we discuss day to day but behind the scenes, below the surface of our minds we're busy thinking about things are just somehow "more"... the big important life changing stuff. These are people I see and talk to on a pretty regular basis, know fairly well if not intimately and then you read something and just realize how many layers we all have..

I keep meaning to write something like those posts. Something deep and meaningful and thought provoking, something significant, something based on what you've gotten out of the day and drawn out of the experience of truly living life. Hm. Maybe that is just me feeling like my life needs more of those things and that's why I'm seeing them in others? I do believe every day honestly IS precious and should mean something, it shouldn't be wasted and allowed to slip by without notice, yet too often we do just that. We try to rush from where we are to where we're so sure we need to be to live life, both physically and metaphorically, that we ignore the fact that we're busy living it now.

Unfortunately it seems like every time I try to think of something, my mind is completely blank. I've been just sort of humming along, existing because I'm tired. Very drained, crappy memory thing going on that I suspect may actually be a low-grade infection? Not sure. But just very tired. Not discounting the effect of the excess of surface 'stuff' which is hogging up my time and energy. Most of it is of course, situations and crap of my own doing... or at least my own allowing and I probably need to reevaluate how much I'm willing to allow it to run away from me, before I call it to a screeching halt and readjust things to a better balance.

Anyhow, enough jabbering. PHOTOS, what all y'all REALLY come here for right! ;-) After picking up the new mantle piece for the bedroom (we're taking our original antique ones) we went to the park.

"That is one TALL tree mum!"

At the park, they were having a huge rally/music event of some sort and he was pretty fascinated with the music and cheering!

Random Sierra shot. Not the best I've ever taken but something about it I like.

Still trying to work out how to photograph black dogs well. Especially black dogs with plenty of white bits. *_* Seems like I'm constantly either getting too much or too little light reflecting off her coat or it's imbalanced with her surroundings. :-O Hard time defining her eyes as well! She has really pretty eyes honest! X-)