Monday, January 01, 2007

ramble (with photo-bribes at the end!)

Where to start... where to start... it seems like so much internal stuff is going on, it's hard to wrap those quicksilver emotions and impressionistic thoughts into tangible, printed words!

The day before new years found us with Laurent feeling chucky. Not ill, not grumpy, no fever... he was happy as a lark but spewing. He nailed me twice getting it all over my face, in my hair, shirt, skirt and bra as well as his face, his hair, his shirt and pants and the chair, the carpet, the papers and everything. Then again all over my study and me. I tell ya, it's a damn good thing I worked at a vets and daycare before I had a kid or that woulda really grossed me out...

Today was a lot nicer as we got to get together with Justin and ended up going to Chinatown for Yum Cha! Nummers! Bunny Lala did pretty well at his first yum-cha and when Justin e-mails me the photos I'll post them! (I forgot my camera!!! Lucky he had a camera phone!)

Also as a minor update- the little game Nic and I started playing is actually working quite nicely. Not that huge changes happen overnight but there's a lot more happy-family moments for sure and changes ARE happening slowly but surely!

But that aside, the past few days have been intensely introspective for me. I know several people have found this year to be one where they've made big changes in their life and strode toward the things they wanted for themselves. I don't feel as if that's been the case for me, if anything this year was one where I felt more like the passanger than the driver and it's felt like a year where I've spent a lot of time internally reorganizing, redefining, reprioritizing and in general just drawing within before acting on what I feel that all is leading up to in THIS year. I have such a strong sense this year will involve enacting a lot of strong, positive changes in my life. Nothing huge or dramatic... more of a righting of polarities, finding the balance that has been missing.

I'm eager regarding our new home. I've spent a lot of time looking at the reality and laying it out, trying to find a place that will be the balance I need as an individual and we need as a family. On paper, it's a pretty insurmountable, complicated and complex issue that swirls around my head. It's easy to get mired in and more than once I've felt rather dispairing it would work out which is not typical of me. Usually once I decide I want something I'm pretty bloody singleminded about it and just plow toward it until eventually, one way or another, I get it through sheer mule-headed persistance and determination.

I'm guessing that a lot of the waffling about is probably a reflection of my having moved countries. When I first got here, I really wasn't fussed by any of the differences or changes, because they were all rather novel and part of the adventure of discovering the country. However when the novelness of the adventure wore off and the process of assimilating a new
culture and letting go of an old one hit, I think it really knocked my sense of equilibrium for a loop and I resisted the changes, casting about for a firm direction and ways to define my new self within this changed context. That's my best guess anyhow! ;-)

So... going after the life I want and we'll figure out the rest of the crap as we go to some extent. We still may end up in Box Hill or Blackburn at least temporarily but if I look at what I feel is necessary, it's simply not legally accomplishable in the suburbs due to zoning. I'll be annoyed if I have to move again in a few years to accomplish what I want as I'm very ready to feel settled... but if we can't find the right location for it this time, there's nothing else for it I suppose.

Dog wise, Hope will be showing and attending a puppy class and a puppy freestyle class if I can. Sierra will be training with an eye to be competing by the end of the year towards obedience, agility and freestyle titles.

I will be researching to find out what courses I'm after for how I want to pursue my education for formal credentials for animal training. Part of this would be working towards formal credentials such as Delta Society qualification and the others like APDT and CPDT and IAABC. Part of this would be informal and wandering into the realm of human learning theory, cognitive development, psychology etc. Not required but for personal interest and rounding myself out, I'm also really eager to dig in to such stuff as Precision Training, TAG Teaching etc. to add the hard science to the theory. *G* I like my data and numbers and graphs and charts to back me
up. *G* Sort of releated, I also plan to attend a Clicker Expo and have a small vacation this year in Queensland. Not sure where but some sort of remoteish tropical beach-grotto-rainforest sort of thing.

I will join a yoga class once we've moved and settled again as I loved the class I was in and miss it! Working to a DVD is not the same!

And to round up, having been reading a lot of Montessori stuff recently, I'm taking a lot of the bits I like out of that and planning to create a really gorgeous play-living area in our new home! Not just based on Montessori stuff but also using elements of Steiner and Reggio Emilio and things I've observed through day-care and at parks etc. So really super thrilled with that!
Likewise, we're being more health concious this year... continuing some of the good things we started in 2006 and improving on them! I'm happy to say that with our focus on fresh, whole, organic fruits and veggies Laurent so far he loves every veggie and most fruits we've introduced him to! :-)

And last but not least, we're still a bit up in the air discussing Bubba #2. The ease with which I became pregnant with L was a bit of a shock since I'd been told I may have a lot of trouble. Hopefully that means a Bubba #2 is a possibility in the future. If not, I won't feel like I'm bereft but I'm rather charmed by this captivating creature and wouldn't mind another littlie at some point. We'd originally thought a space of about 4-5 years would be ideal, iow starting TTC #2 when he was 4ish. That way if I have another horrid pregnancy he's old enough to do some self-care, understand if I can't attend every need, is developmentally able to empathize hopefully making the transition from only child to one of two easier and if I was really sick he'd at least be in school part of the time giving me one-on-one time with the new bubba. OTOH I'm not sure I *want* to wait that long and my bloody clucky (EVIL, LYING, SADISTIC) hormones go nuts over every little bubba I meet and whisper in my ears how nice it'd be to have a second in a year or two and that we really honestly MISS being pregnant... (This is how I know they're lying, evil and sadistic hormones - I hated being preggers and spent most of the time threatening to spay myself with a rusty spork to ensure it never, ever happened again!!!)

Now... pics...

A few from Lala's birthday, which yes was ages ago but I finally finished scanning!!! *shocks* I absolutely love the feel of these photos and the way they journal the day, they were SO worth it! These aren't all of them of course. I won't scan them all as I ordered a LOT of prints... but these are a few of them and there is one more that's colour that I'm going to do and post in a day or two!

Laurent playing with the pot pre-tree-planting ceremony. The tree is to the left of my knee and I'm reading the speech we prepared.

One of Nic, myself and Lala walking down the path. Just because it was pretty.

And kissing, while I was muttering threats under my breath to Nic! ;-)

During the reading, Laurent decided to play peek-a-boo under my coat and ham it up!

Mister Lala having a chat, my sweet boy!

One of the general gathering. :-)

A closer-up shot of L looking into the pot and chattering!

Nic with the tree after. :-)

1 comment:

Sif said...

Sounds like you are where I was in the cycle (of life, reflection etc.) about a year ago... For me it felt like trying to grasp at silk ribbons in a hurricane, so pretty, so frustrating!!! It feels a bit better a year on, even though I actually felt that last year was just "seting up the pieces" for this years game. LOl...